Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 9 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.
Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
Baking In A Tornado http://www.BakingInATornado.co
Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Searching for Sanity http://singlemumplusone.blogsp
Spatulas on Parade http://spatulasonparade.blogsp
Never Ever Give Up Hope http://batteredhope.blogspot.c
Bookworm in the Kitchen http://www.bookwormkitchen.com
Evil Joy Speaks
My son is 14. Yet somehow it comes as a complete surprise to him EVERY MORNING that he has to brush his teeth and do his hair for school.
Me, stating the same thing every day for a thousand years gone by: "Do you have your lunch?"
Me: "Brushed your teeth?"
Son "UGGGGHHHHHHHHH NO", trudging off to the bathroom (as if this is shocking news that throws off his entire day. My daughter and I then wait in car in garage for what feels like 19 extra minutes waiting on teenage teeth).
Sons glasses have been ready for pickup since last Friday, but I like, have a job that is twelve hour days and stuff, so THE GLASSES ARE STILL AT THE DOCTOR.
Me, to husband: "Don't let me forget to pick up Isaac's glasses after I go boxing".
Me: Did not pick up glasses after boxing.
Husband: Did not remind me.
I am exhausted after boxing. I am watching morning tv and making observations.
Me, to husband, who is working online in the corner: "You know, I'm tired of all the news. When is Wendy Williams off of hiatus? I miss that show. And I'm still smarting over Tamron Hall leaving the Today Show, because 'Today's Take' is just NOT the same. But I can't say that I blame her, with them bringing on Megyn Kelly. Oh, did you notice her show is tanking? I've never even seen it. Don't really care. I do like Tamron Hall, though. At least she's still on Investigation Discovery and stuff, but she's SO SERIOUS over there. Then again I suppose you have to be. Sometimes I feel like Al Roker is fake. And that Matt Lauer, oh man. He gets under my skin. He's so glib. Remember when Tom Cruise called him 'glib'? So it's not just me. Savannah is ok, though. She's from Phoenix, so I don't mind her. Though she should probably use better makeup on Instagram. She must've had IVF to have that last baby because she's older than me and God knows my eggs are on their last stand. The stragglers and the ones that will end up bagging groceries at Safeway are probably all that are left. Must be nice for your sperm to stay dynamic till you die. Oh, speaking of eggs, I made a doctor appointment that I want you to go with me to, so pencil me in, homie. You can be off the afternoon of the 7th, right?" PAUSE. "Right, babe?" LONGER PAUSE. "Babe! RIGHT?!"
Husband: Removes earbuds used for work calls and glances my way. "What?"
Throwing in a load of laundry and removing a load from the dryer:
Me: WHERE IN THE SWEET BABY JESUS' NAME ARE ALL THE SOCKS
*I am not at liberty to discuss the next part of the day, as this is a semi-family post. However, it can be said that my husband working at home on my days off when kids are at school are prime days for previously mentioned straggling Safeway-bagging eggs*.
Later folding another load of laundry:
Me: I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, WHERE ARE THE SOCKS
Husband strolls out of bedroom smelling delicious and dressed in business attire.
Me: Bet you're nice and relaxed for your meeting, YOU'RE WELCOME.
Husband: *winks at me*
Me: Love that guy.
Roll up to pick kids up from school, crank up "Cotton Eyed Joe" song on the 90's station and roll down windows:
Son, sliding into passenger seat: "Mom. Just, why?"
Me, triumphantly: "If you brush your teeth I won't do it tomorrow". PARENTING.SKILLS.
Kids working on homework, their father calls. They speak. They hang up.
Me: "Umm, did ya'll just make some plans with your dad?"
Son: "Yeah. He's going to practice but can't pick me up in time so you need to take me."
Me: *Roll eyes back into my skull not in their view because HE IS ALWAYS LATE* "Umm, ok. What about dinner?"
Son: "He'll take me and Elle to eat after."
Me: "Elle's going?"
Daughter pipes up: "Yep!"
Me: "SO NO ONE IS HERE FOR DINNER EXCEPT THE KIDS WHO DON'T EAT?" (ie: stepkids)
Daughter: "I guess so".
Me *frantically rearranges dinner plans to include low-maintenance fare since it will sit on the table for two hours with 'it's cold' complaints, to which I will suggest learning to use the microwave OR EAT FASTER*.
My kids are with their Dad for the evening. After dinner, which elder stepkid hails as "awesome!" and youngest actually eats (whilst I brace for the inevitable hell-freezing-over moment), I prop up my feet to work on homework for my newest nurse-practitioner class, and grin like the Cheshire Cat at my husband's sigh as he sits to do math homework with the stepkid who doesn't eat and ALSO doesn't like to pay attention to homework.
Instead, I end up watching NFL football, baking chocolate chip cookies and sorting through my stack of novels to decide what to read next. Apparently homework happens tomorrow.
Kids arrive home. Daughter has sullen look about her. Son gives me a hug and kiss (which I also brace for, because a 14 year old boy after football practice has a slight tinge of EWW). I corner daughter.
Me: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Ok let's try this again except this time, you tell me the truth."
Her: "Isaac hurt my feelings. He said swimming isn't a real sport and it's not hard."
Me: "Well I can vouch for the fact it's VERY hard. Don't be upset. We'll get him to apologize".
Walk over to bathroom door that son has just closed. Knock. He opens in shorts and no shirt, prepping to shower.
Me: "You hurt your sister's feelings. I think you owe her an apology."
Son: (who is VERY tender-hearted, looks humbled and sad). "I'm so sorry, Elle." He embraces her in a big-brother hug and she reciprocates for ABOUT 3/4 OF ONE SECOND.
Elle: Shoving him away "You stink."
Son: Throws up hands in defeat, "Mom, I TRIED. Elle, don't tell me I'm garbage at football anymore".
Me: "OHHHH, so NOW the truth comes out. Now you get to hug HIM and enjoy the stink." They embrace, she shoves again.
Elle: "Man, you STINK!"
Isaac: "I CAN'T HELP IT YOU BOZO, YOUR SPORT IS IN THE WATER. MINE IS 100 DEGREES".
Me: "Goodnight, my sweet cherubs. I'm getting up at 4am".
Kids: "Goodnight, Mama. I love you."
Me: "Oh and Isaac?"
Isaac: "Yeah. I know. BRUSH MY TEETH".
Maybe he's learning.
Curtain Closes on scene.
Thank you for being my Fly on the Wall!!