Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Cup Size Matters!

We all have our little obsessions. Did you know.... you can walk into someone's house and get a pretty good idea for who they are, what they like and maybe even what their hygiene habits are like, in about four seconds? For example, walking into a house that clearly has several indoor animals (judging by the pet hair wafting through the air and the dog peeing in the corner) and you are already picturing the piled up dirty laundry and someone who may not have washed their hair for a few days and may be just slightly off their rocker. Or poised to chop you up with a hachet. Whatever. CALM DOWN DOG PEOPLE AND CAT LADIES IT'S JUST AN EXAMPLE. (I have a sanitary little fish, though. Just saying.)

What I'm SAYING is, you can stroll into my house (if I decide not to have everyone hit the deck and pretend not to be home even though GRAVITY-FRIGGING-FALLS is blasting at 96% volume in the front living room by the door when the stupid doorbell rings) and go "Wow. Someone here likes coffee and/or a lot of hot beverages and also likes to do stuff".

Because, cups.
Coffee cups.
I am obsessed with them. YES, I love coffee, or, on days I'm trying to get knocked up again, I like--much less--green tea.(Yes, coffee can affect fertility. I know, right? Totally blows). And the cups have to have meaning and they have to be a certain size or shape or I want nothing to do with them.

You can get a pretty good picture of who exactly I am, solely based on my coffee cups. Don't believe me? Watch this, homies:

1. I like big cups and I cannot lie. (I also have an LA face with an Oakland booty ala poor little attacked Blake Lively, but that's for another day. Shout out to Sir Mix-A-Lot for standing up for her. And I probably just lost half my white audience, they're reading this in utter confusion. But I digress).

2. I am a Mrs. to a Mr. And we LOVE Disney. We had the most amazing, Magic Kingdom/Epcot/Animal Kingdom/Hollywood Studios fun and romantic honeymoon, all planned by him. And so these came home from the Contemporary Resort (our honeymoon hotel) and remind me every day how very, very blessed I am to have my Mickey. 

3. A reminder of a joyful day! This came from the restaurant where we had brunch in Panama City Beach, Florida, with my in-loves, after my guy had proposed to me on the beach (with his Dad's help writing in the sand). We had lobster omelets and couldn't stop smiling.

4. At 38 years old, I did Tough Mudder. And FINISHED, ya'll. I had worked so hard with my brother as trainer, was told by an insignificant source that I was "too girly" to do it (my God, did they know me at ALL?!), so I belly-crawled in mud under barbed wire, swam through lung-paralyzing ice water, jumped off a platform, got electrocuted and ran over 11 miles to the finish. So yeah, this is my "I'm-A-Badass" cup. I can't wait to do it again, but this year was on hold because I was growing a little human at the time.

5. This is a reminder of what I consider to be the most beautiful state in this entire country. I love the place, the people, the lobster....everything! One of my best friends lives there, and was a bridesmaid for me last year. I lived down the street from Stephen King and managed not to stalk him (though I did drop a letter at his door, like the scary chick in Misery). Note: If you don't want the bejesus scared out of you, do NOT read a creepy Stephen King book in the very town the story takes place, while you're up late on a night shift. But anyway, Maine. I love you.

6. Ya'll. In November my awesome husband and I checked a little something off of our bucket list, and on his birthday trip to San Francisco, we walked the ENTIRE Golden Gate Bridge and back! It was surreal. Of course, shortly thereafter we went on an accidental hike of 12 miles, getting lost in the middle of the woods in a gigantic city, stumbling through a golf course, coming upon a cemetery, wandering under a heavily graffitied overpass and eventually ending up at a latin restaurant with a disturbing satan-ish theme, but the BRIDGE, yes. Yes! Pure awesome.

7.  We are OBSESSED with The Walking Dead. I mean, Fear the Walking Dead is alright, but it's like WD lite. No one compares to the Rickster, Darryl, Carol, Glenn, Maggie, Michonne etc etc etc. In fact, a few months ago we went to Atlanta, drove to Athens for some football, then to the tiny town where they film Walking Dead. We took the walking tour and it was the COOLEST THING EVER. Also, we wanted to move there. But in the Walking Dead store, I got this cup. And if you know WD, you know this is one of the creepiest lines from the entire series, and gives you the uncomfortable feels. Therefore I had to have it. That walker loving weirdo had it coming.

8. Wendy. WENDY!!! I love her. Wendy Williams is my spirit animal, whatever in the hell that means, I just see that all over the internet webs (thanks Candace Payne for that line), and so I claim Wendy.  And it's all my husband's fault! He'd have it on in the background on his work-from-home days, and occasionally say "On Wendy today..." and I'm like, "What the?" and then one day I watched. And then my Mom said she always watches her and my Dad finds it so annoying he leaves the room, so I KNEW it was the show for me. She says it like she means it. It's not a normal day for me if I don't hear "How YOU doin?" 

9. My daughter. She's 8 and ridiculously witty and smart. She is also the exact carbon copy personality of myself, which is terrifying. She goes toe-to-toe with her stepdad, and they have the CUTEST relationship built on sarcasm. I love to watch it. My husband marvels at her, how she puts up with NOTHING, no matter how much older or bigger someone is. She gets her homework done without prompting and observes EVERYTHING. And she is one to slip love notes into my work bag. I mean, how many kids do THAT? It's like being around a much-improved version of me. Super proud Mom.

10. The Mamas. I am fortunate to have my Mom. She knows the MINUTE she hears my voice, exactly what my state of being is. I could never get away with or hide ANYTHING from her as a kid, a skill I have perfected with my littles and am SO thankful for. And together, we are a force. We back down to no one (it all started at my brother's little league games) and continues today when we're around someone who we don't particularly care for because you've hurt someone in our family. YES, judgement is upon you! She also is one hell of a Nana and has taken on the chaos of my three bonus daughters like nobody's business. And they love her.
And my Mom-in-law, (really a Mom-in-love). She has adopted me as her daughter from the beginning, and my kids as her own grandbabies. I love when she visits and always wish it was longer. How many people can say that about their Mom in law? But when someone has raised a man as great as my husband, you know she's something special. The cup on the left from my Mom, who appreciates my love of shoes and Jesus. The cup on the right, don't make me explain it. Come on.

11.  Yep, I love guns and coffee. I thank my Dad for teaching me how to shoot at a young age, for teaching us respect for guns. One of the most healing things I did while going through the toughest time in my life was riding quads out into the desert to hit the range with my Dad. Especially when he said I'm probably a better shot than my brother. A little time with an AR-15 is about the best therapy there is.

12. I received this a couple of months ago, from my precious aunt, whom I love love love!  It was filled with happy little yellow roses and daisies and was so bright and joyful on the saddest day, the day we lost our sweet little new baby. This cup, a positive pregnancy test and an ultrasound report are what remains of Baby V. So I see it and I smile and think of him. He's waiting for us.

13. The Office, ya'll. It never gets old. We watch reruns almost nightly and still laugh outloud. We are Jim and Pam without the sad stuff in the middle, and I'm pretty sure I was Kelly in a previous teenage life. One of the most genius shows ever made, perfectly cast. Right up there with Seinfeld and Arrested Development.
I have always felt a kinship with Dwight, once he uttered the line in a crowded room: "There are too many people on the earth. We need a new plague."  Indeed.

14. Lastly, though it's not a COFFEE cup per say, it is still a perfect home for another favorite beverage, the football staple, a red beer. It's my beloved Chicago Bears on the front, and on the back, inscribed with my maiden name. And yeah. On a Sunday afternoon, mixing up a good beer and Clamato to yell at the tv, THAT'S a good time.

So, there, in a nutshell, is a perfect picture of my life, spelled out in coffee cups. I know it's a lot less weird than whatever nonsense you're out there not sharing with anyone, and the cups don't pee on the carpet or cause allergies. It's a win/win.

Share with me what in your house would tell people the story of YOU!

Thanks for reading,




  1. What a fantastic collection of mugs you have! I love that they all have a story. I'm mug picky too. They must be large and squat and not too heavy, but not too light, either. As the only hot beverage drinker in the house, my collection of vintage mugs (Gumby is my favorite!) is far too large for one person. Thank you for such a fun read!

  2. What a creative way different aspects of you. Love your blunt humor as always.

  3. Thanks! That wasn't even all of them, I think there's about 10 more! I'm the only one in our family who drinks hot beverages, so it's fun when people come over and want coffee. I especially love handing my sparkly Wendy mug to my oh-so-masculine little brother. :)
    Thank you guys for reading!